I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
