just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize