just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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