i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
