I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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