yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
