Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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