You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
