I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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