We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Houston, we have a blender
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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