apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I won the penis lottery.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
