WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
