I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
