I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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