Is it normal to miss your booty call?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
