just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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