Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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