Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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