and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think a kid would responsible me up
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
