I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
