I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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