I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
