i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
