Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
