Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
