So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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