thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
