the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
