we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
