man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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