so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
