I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
