captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
