Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
