dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm eating all of the evidence.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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