Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
