I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
