i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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