When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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