I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
