dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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