He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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