Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
