Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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