I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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