at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize