barbara walters just said penis...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
