Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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