Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
