This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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