capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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