pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
