they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
