What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
