We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
