I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize