What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
