Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
