What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
