Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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